Here is some more angst and turmoil to add to my previous post.
I accepted the job as RA last night. This means I have to cut back on other time commitments. Today I went to go tell PK and Pastor Ed that I would not be able to do more for the youth group but rather stay the same and possibly do less. Pastor Ed said that was too bad because they were going to ask me to be the point person for the youth group until another youth pastor came. This would be a paid position as an interim youth pastor. I would be getting paid to start doing what I love now. I had to turn it down.
I don't know what God's plan is for me anymore. He wants me to do youth ministry and he gives me this opportunity but tells me not to take it. He tells me to take the job as RA which I honestly do not enjoy most of the time. As one of my friends put it, sometimes you feel like shooting yourself in the face. I just don't understand at all. I am also hoping that I truly did hear God like I think I did. I am hoping I made the right decisions. When I was venting to God while driving home today He told me "your time will come." I know it will but when? Maybe God is seeing if I would choose what He wants for me over what I want for myself. Choosing Him over my selfish priorities. I know I do need to wait longer until I can be a really good youth pastor. I realize that and I want to do ministry to the best of my ability and be the most effective and I can be. I just hate that I feel like God is taunting me with this. I know He is not but it feels like it sometimes.
God, let me know I did the right thing.
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2 comments:
I'm praying for you man. I wish I could help you out and give you some answers but I can't... that's how God works sometimes. Maybe he is going to use this RA position in a way you don't even realize... it could be awesome. It could be an opportunity to grow and be stretched so that when you do become a youth pastor you will be at your best and you will be able to be used by God even more... who knows. Just hang in there and rest in God's peace knowing He has it all under control. Be comforted by Psalms 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God". It's hard to know what's going on sometimes and to understand what God is doing but sometimes the best thing you can do is be still... be silent and rest in Him. I know you've probably heard this all before, but it never hurts to hear it again :) I love ya man! :)
I agree with her.
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