NO SLEEP FOR ME!

procrastination+finals week=no sleep for at least a week.
I think that is not really healthy. However, that is my life. To all you kids out there, even if you don't think you are a procstinator, you are. I have a 35 page paper and 5 page paper to write, final of death to study for, 5 outlines for write for possible essay questions, 9 movies to watch and 1-2 pages to write about each, and a move to another room all before Friday. Don't forget, I am also still being an RA, working, and helping at church. Someone shoot me now.

I Hate Poo!!

I had jury duty today. That was kinda lame and an interesting experience. Some strange people come out for that. I wasn't picked for the jury, thank goodness. However, I have fulfilled my civic duty for 2 years.
I went to work and worked with some of my favorite people there. We had conversations about poo.
I also learned about two more girls on my hall that don't like me. This is the first time so many people haven't liked me, at least that I know of. I don't know what I am doing wrong. I am a little tired which means I am a little more impatient but still, I can usually tell when I am acting like that and I haven't felt myself acting like that at all. I don't know what to do to fix it. I feel really alone on my hall right now. They don't want me to be their RA. They don't like me. Being an RA sucks as it is. I am hating this right now. I feel even more drained and I feel like crying. It really really really sucks when people don't like, especially when you don't know why.

I Celebrate the Day-Relient K

And with this Christmas wish is missed

The point I could convey

If only I could find the words to say to let You know how much You've touched my life

Because here is where You're finding me, in the exact same place as New Year's eve

And from a lack of my persistency

We're less than half as close as I want to be

And the first time

That You opened Your eyes did You realize that You would be my Savior

And the first breath that left Your lips

Did You know that it would change this world forever

And so this Christmas I'll compare the things I felt in prior years

To what this midnight made so clear

That You have come to meet me here

To look back and think that

This baby would one day save me

In the hope that what You did

That you were born so I might live

To look back and think that

This baby would one day save me

And I, I celebrate the day

That You were born to die

So I could one day pray for You to save my life

Mashed Potatoes=Snowmen

That's right, the much awaited pictures of why my family did at Thanksgiving. My brother created this masterpiece without using his hands (only a fork and knife). My family is special.

Some more angst

Here is some more angst and turmoil to add to my previous post.
I accepted the job as RA last night. This means I have to cut back on other time commitments. Today I went to go tell PK and Pastor Ed that I would not be able to do more for the youth group but rather stay the same and possibly do less. Pastor Ed said that was too bad because they were going to ask me to be the point person for the youth group until another youth pastor came. This would be a paid position as an interim youth pastor. I would be getting paid to start doing what I love now. I had to turn it down.
I don't know what God's plan is for me anymore. He wants me to do youth ministry and he gives me this opportunity but tells me not to take it. He tells me to take the job as RA which I honestly do not enjoy most of the time. As one of my friends put it, sometimes you feel like shooting yourself in the face. I just don't understand at all. I am also hoping that I truly did hear God like I think I did. I am hoping I made the right decisions. When I was venting to God while driving home today He told me "your time will come." I know it will but when? Maybe God is seeing if I would choose what He wants for me over what I want for myself. Choosing Him over my selfish priorities. I know I do need to wait longer until I can be a really good youth pastor. I realize that and I want to do ministry to the best of my ability and be the most effective and I can be. I just hate that I feel like God is taunting me with this. I know He is not but it feels like it sometimes.
God, let me know I did the right thing.

Santa Cruz is a Nuclear Free Zone

I think that there will be a nuclear bomb going off that I don't know about. Everyone seems to be getting the heck out of here but I am just unaware so I am still around. I presented my hypothesis to Ryan and he reminded me that Santa Cruz is a nuclear free zone. I had forgotten about that. Now I have no idea what the reason is for everyone leaving.
My youth pastor and his wife are moving to Washington to be the senior pastors at a small church in Nooksack, WA. Weird name, I know. This really sucks for many reasons
a) This will be youth pastor #5 that has left since I started attending youth group 8 years ago. That is a lot of youth pastors for those of you that don't have a point of refrence. PK and Rachel have stayed here for 2 years and 4 months which is the record so far.
b) They are really important to me and my life and I have learned so much from PK. I will miss them a lot.
c) After 5 youth pastors it is hard not to let yourself believe the lie that something must be wrong with our youth group
d) This is breaking the student's hearts. They are completely and utterly devastated. Some of them are beginning to shut down already and some are becoming calloused.
e) The youth leaders are going to do a whole lot more to keep things afloat until a new youth pastor comes. This brings me to my next subject:

The main RA on my floor is not coming back next semester. That is right, I am moving up the food chain. You are reading the writing of the new regular, not assistant, RA of Harp 1. This means doing pretty much the same stuff I did before but with twice the scholarship. I will also be the sole leadership on the floor and I have to cut back on my other time commitments such as work hours and youth group. That really sucks. But, I will also either have nonexistent or nearly nonexistent payments each month for school. That is pretty nice. Still, everything is so confusing. I wish I knew God's plan now.

A little one, kinda like PB&J

Life Group is amazing. I feel like we are already such a tight family.
I get to see Ryan tomorrow for the first time in 2 months.
I have a paper to write tonight so I don't have to think about the rest of the weekend.

I know this is kinda lame but...

I am advertising my photography! They make great Christmas presents for your friends a loved ones. I have a lot of different subjects which I would be happy to show you. If I do not have a picture of something you want, I would be happy to go and take that picture for you (within reason). I can also do family or single portraits if you would like. Just let me know what size you would want to picture, if you want it matted and/or framed and in what colors. If you just want the picture and do not live here, I can e-mail the document to you and you can print it out there. Prices are negotiable and I accept cash and checks. Also, let me know if you have any special requests and I will see what I can do. Hope to be doing business with you all and please help spread the word!

I also put a ton of my photos on Facebook which you can check out at http://bethany.facebook.com/album.php?aid=67036&l=91406&id=889130499

People are a wonderful thing

I am so lucky to have certain people in my life. I am constantly reminded of the importance of having people in your life you can just talk to. People that are completely on the same page as you. While they have a different life, a different background, and a different viewpoint they just "get" you. They really listen to what you are saying because they want to, not because they have to. They are the type of people that understand you when you aren't exactly sure what you are trying to say. These people are the ones you don't have to put up a front for. You know that you can be completely and entirely yourself and they won't judge you for the subtle or glaringly obvious flaws in your life. They will however speak that truth into your life. They will loving nudge you down the path that you both know is right. They will tell you the truth when there is something you need to change. And do you know what? You will actually listen to those people. You will not take personal offense to it, you know they are telling you this because they truly and genuinly care and want to help you. These are the people that make your soul happy, filled, and refreshed after a conversation that ended up being three hours but felt like minutes. They are the ones that are your life raft in times of pain, loneliness, and exhaustion.
Thank you to all of those people in my life. You give me confidence and remind of who I truly am.

Update

Alright, I will bypass the enormous blog seeing as people (PB&J) begged me not to write a long one. Quick update on what has been happening
Sharefest=amazing. Hope more people get involved in it next year
Life Group=wonderful. So happy to be in a group with other adults, really examining life and Scripture
Starbucks=fun yet very overwhelming. Show some love to your barista next time you go in. It is a whole lot harder than it looks!
Life=extremely busy
Ryan=most amazing person I know. Counting down the days (13!) until I see him again

Why does it seem like everyone around me is getting engaged? It seems like at least once a week I hear about another friend who is getting hitched. Did I miss something? Or rather, did Ryan miss something? Is this a phenomenon that only occurs at small Christian university campuses or is this a world wide movement?

Apologies

So, I am so sorry to the two people that read my blog. I know I haven't been keeping up on it very well but I promise a long one will be coming soon. Hopefully. Bear with me and I will soon update you on my thoughts and the exciting events of my life.

My oh My

Why does it seem like life is constantly crazy? One thing ends and right away another begins. This happens in many aspects, I will finish one job and immediately begin another, one commitement ends and another starts, one issue on my hall is resolved and another one pops up. It seems like I am stuck in a set of monstrous swells. One will wash over my head, I fight my way back to the surface and come up to get a gulp of air just as another set breaks on me. I have too many things to handle. I juggle school, work, being an RA, and volunteering at the church. I constantly hear that I need to take time for myself, which I understand, but when I do, another part of my life suffers. Even to get enough sleep is difficult! How am I supposed to have a social life, do all my other commitments, and try and exercise and get sleep. I think there needs to be about ten more hours in a day, maybe then I could do everything I need to. As overwhelmed and stressed out I sound (and I am overwhelmed and stressed out) there is still some strange calm and peace in me. I have something that a lot of people don't. I know God sees what is going on, I know He has a plan for all of this, I know I can trust Him. How do people who have no faith get through life? That is one thing I will never understand.

To begin

So, I am finally starting a blog after the urging of a few people, mainly PB&J (most commonly known as Bobby, worship leader at Christian Life Center). I decided it might be a good idea, seeing as I have the most interesting life and I know everyone wants to read about it. In all seriousness, I miss writing, I have a million thoughts running around in my head, and maybe someone might actually enjoying reading what I have to say. So, lets all give three cheers to profound thoughts and interesting entries. Hip, hip, hooray!